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April 15, 2011
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Dear Halo - A Collection of Previously Unread Letters from Various Characters in the Halo Universe

Dear Dare,

I wouldn't bother, Buck's already got a regular thing going with a certain Detective Beckett.

Sincerely,

That's the thing about crazy people.

---

Dear Allied Hunters,

You'd come in real handy right about now.

Sincerely,

That's a truckload of Flood.

---

Dear JFO Helmet,

Still having trouble reading your name without hearing swear words...

Sincerely,

Just F--- Off

---

Dear Emile,

Emo Spartans, whatever will they think of next?

Sincerely,

Lucy-B091's already done that trick.

---

Dear Commander Shepard,

I-Oh wait, wrong game.

Sincerely,

You've received a new message at your private terminal.

---

Dear Winter Contingency on Legendary Difficulty,

Look I know you're the intro level and all but could you at least try to be challenging?

Sincerely,

Be begging for you when I hit Nightfall...

---

Dear Armour Lock,

I think we might finally be getting somewhere in this relationship.

Sincerely,

Just killed my first Ghost by crouching.

---

Dear Recon,

How does it feel to be stuck on our level you elitist BLEEP?

Sincerely,

The other armour permeations.

---

Dear John,

She chose me first.

Sincerely,

I have it, do you?

---

Dear Enemy Team,

Where the heck are you?!

Sincerely,

BTB on Spire.

---

Dear UNSC Frigates,

Why does everything you do seem to be a one way trip?

Sincerely,

I've been in Mongeese with better longevity than that!

---

Dear Emile,

Smile, the world's not gonna end...oh, wait.

Sincerely,

Don't worry, be happy...

---

Dear Banshee,

Would you kindly learn the meaning of balance?

Sincerely,

DMR Starts PLOX!

---

Dear Kat,

Never. Drive. Again.

Sincerely,

Driven off the cliff at ONI.

(Courtesy of Namae no Nai Shoujo on FanFiction.net)

---

Dear Jack,

You're a HO.

Sincerely,

Geoff.

---

Dear Halo 3 Jackal Snipers on Legendary,

GO BACK TO COD YOU FREAKIN' NO SCOPING JERKS!!!

Sincerely,

How about playing a game that doesn't require a twitch in your trigger finger?

---

Dear 343 Guilty Spark,

If I didn't know any better I'd say you're trying to come on to me with all this "oh mighty reclaimer!" business.

Sincerely,

Going to enjoy melting your face off you little perv...

---

Dear Dr. Halsey,

Mummy it's so nice to see you again!

Sincerely,

Jorge.

---

Dear Wraith,

Oh please.

Sincerely,

The Scorpion.

---

Dear Focus Rifle,

Nothing like giving away my hard won sniper position with a nice glowy beam huh?

Sincerely,

Have you people not heard of projectile weapons?

---

Dear Miranda Keyes,

Killed by a cripple...

Sincerely,

FAIL.

---

Dear Warthog Rush,

Bigger, better, more badass cousin says hi.

Sincerely,

Scarab Rush.

---

Dear Jun,

Bet you thought you were the lucky one huh?

Sincerely,

Guess who the Covenant is going to be gunning for now homie?

---

Dear UNSC High Command,

Just for future reference, flamethrowers do not stand up as an effective alternative to sniper fire.

Sincerely,

Scoped & Dropped.

---

Dear Scarab Rush,

Oh yeah? Why don't you find out what happens if all three of us go Warthogs?

Sincerely,

You'd be amazed how effective it is.

---

Dear Serena,

Really? The burning building and decimated assault force didn't give it away at all.

Sincerely,

The enemy may be planning to attack here.
A collection of previously unread and unseen letters to and from various characters in the Halo Universe. For the first time, gain true insight into the collective minds of these legendary heroes and vile enemies...

Part 2: [link]

Another entry to tide you over, enjoy!

-DA.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconramrum:
Ramrum Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2011   Traditional Artist
hahaha i lol'd with the commander Shepard one
Reply
:icontuckerscreator:
Tuckerscreator Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2011
Frustrated at Jackal Snipers in Halo 3 on Legendary? Wait 'til you've seen Jackal snipers in Halo 2 on NORMAL! Oh, the hair they've made me tear out...
Reply
:icondementedassassin:
DementedAssassin Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Fair point now that you mention it, been a long time since those days for me.
Reply
:icontuckerscreator:
Tuckerscreator Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2011
Dear "Have you not Heard of Projectile Weapons",
They brought me in so you wouldn't have to tear your hair out anymore facing Jackal Snipers.
Sincerely,
Focus Rifle
Reply
:iconediskrad327:
ediskrad327 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2011
lol gotta see more :
Reply
:icondementedassassin:
DementedAssassin Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
If you're after more don't forget to check out parts 1 and 2! :)
Reply
:icontexshi:
Texshi Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2011
Sad thing is, i knew each and every bit of that ;//o *plays Halo To much*
Reply
:iconfirerwolf:
Firerwolf Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I liked, though honestly I'm a fan of Kat's driving. The marines are always the ones that get me killed. Seriously you need one addressed to the marine driving the warthog, for failing three times in a row, and getting me killed three times, on normal ONI. First time he flipped the warthog and the revenant got us, the second time he just sat there until the revenant killed us, and the third time sat there long enough for a elite to pull me out of the vehicle, which I have never had happen before.

I do want to ask, what do you mean by the one addressed to John?
Reply
:icondementedassassin:
DementedAssassin Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Remember when Halsey talked about Cortana "picking" Noble Six to carry her to the Autumn?
Reply
:iconfirerwolf:
Firerwolf Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, that's what you meant. Now it makes sense. Thanks.
Reply
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